Friday, March 14, 2008

Top 5 Worst Songs Ever Composed in the History of Mankind

Music is a an extremely big part of the our daily lives. Artists are constantly coming up with the newest "jams," and we the consumers are constantly being given new ways to enjoy our music more and more, i.e. the iPod.

With that said, there are indeed some songs are in this world that are God foresaken awful. They need to be deleted.
Here is my list of the Top 5 worst songs ever composed in the history of mankind. This list is subject to change.

5. "Get Low" by Lil Jon

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away rap music use to have meaning (gasp!). Yes, young child there was a day. A day when men such as Grandmaster Flash, Run DMC, Tupac Shakur, Nas, and Biggie Smalls made music that had something to it. That music officially died the day Lil Jon composed this crapshoot.

Wow. Wow, wow wow. Where do you start with this song? Do you start with the fact it's written by someone who looks like the Predator? Or the fact the lyrics are so cheesy and flat out stupid that was hip-hop itself was sent back 15 years because of it?

No, I know where you start. One verse, one lyric.

"From the sweat drip down my balls..."

I don't even have to explain it. Geez, I hope Lil Jon gets hit by a car. Enough said.

4. Move B*tch by Ludacris
I have never been a fan of Luda's music. All so modern-rap-clique-like. But this song. Wow. I don't think music gets more degrading to women than this song. Someone told me Ludacris made this song about his frustration with traffic. Well, not really sure I can see that because all he seems to emphasize during this "masterpiece" is about getting the b*tches out of your way.
So deep Luda. So deep this song is. It really touched my soul.

3. Chicken Dance

I remember first hearing this garbage. It was elementary school and the song was fun to dance but...

along came the 4th grade and I was done with it, but not America. Oh dear nothing "makes" a baseball game than to hear that stupid song through the PA system. But as we all know the song is half of it. The dance is equally as disturbing.

I guess I just do not get it. I don't get why people play a song and say, "Hmm I'll waddle my butt to the ground!"

Chickens don't even do that! I think the chicken race would hate this song as well!
Me too...
2. Mm Bop by Hanson

I am in 4th grade heading to Mrs. Skapik's math class. Some kids where in the hall dancing...dancing to the newest poison. Hanson's Mm Bop. I can proudly say I never took a sip of this poison aka danced to it/liked it/cared for it.

Years will pass, but every now and then for some unknown Satanic reason the song will be played again...and all those bad memories again return. This song is awful for 3 reasons:

1. It's song by 3 girly-looking boys. Where's the masculinity?!

2. What the hell is it about?

3. Mm Bop? Is that a noise? WTF?
4. I told you there are only 3 reasons so why are you reading this one?

The four songs I have so far discussed are bad. They are rough and pure garbage, but there have been moments I have been able to bit my tongue and deal with Mm Bop coming through the speakers or Move B*tch playing at a party, but not this next song...
No, not this song...
Since the first day I heard this song I HAVE NEVER REMOTELY LIKED IT PERIOD! I would rather walk into an oncoming truck than dance to it. Just the thought of it someday coming through the airwaves again makes me cringe.
It makes me cry.

1. Cha Cha Slide by Casper

All that stupid dancing in unison is pure Hell to experience. If you are at a bar and trying to dance, do you want to go all Brady Bunch and dance as a family? Or better yet dance together with 25 other strangers? Heck no!

Someone needs to do something. Someone needs to delete this song forever. Destory any records of it. I hate it. I hate every single thing about it. There is not one moment of it I can for the slightest second stand.

For the Chicken Dance, for exactly .3 seconds I think to myself, "Kind of a cool beat." After that I hate it, but I stand it for a moment.

For Move B*tch I think Ludacris said one cool verse, but not for the Cha Cha Slide. Nope nothing in this song is standable.

Give me a glass of Clorox, for I'll drink that before Casper verbally destorys me once more...

Note: I am really interested in hearing what you guys consider are the worst songs you have ever experienced. Let me know because comments are appreciated.

1 comment:

~MM~ said...

Haha, well you asked for this so. . . .

While I know the artists and have other songs by some of them, I’ve never heard of any of the songs you have listed, except the Chicken Dance and I agree it’s a ridiculous song but I think that’s supposed to be the point of it. I mean, what would a baseball game be without it?!

I’m going to take your word for the other songs (I had half a notion to find them just to listen, once, but have since decided against it).

A friend, who has incredibly impeccable taste in music, introduced me to an entirely new level of music and music appreciation a few years back. He taught me to look into music, to seek the fine intricacies and details of the artist in the music as well as the music itself. As a result, some of what I might have considered good music in the past I would deem garbage today and vice versa.

Any song that is a repetitive, circular, meaningless compilation of noise would be up on my list of worsts as well as songs that the word are meant as background nothingness (i.e., you know there are words because you can hear them, however, you can’t possibly sing along because you can’t even remotely make them out). Then there are songs that are just plain stupid, no matter how clear or detailed (e.g., Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer and Don’t Worry, Be Happy).

Given that. . . . My list, in no particular order:

D-12’s 40 oz. – What the hell is that? I can’t think of one good thing about that song. I can’t even elaborate. . . . unless I’m missing something, it’s just disgusting!

Up there with your Chicken Dance has to be the Macarena; to some degree it’s worse, at least the Chicken Dance is effective at baseball games and would be missed if it didn’t make at least one appearance, the Macarena is simply giggling pointlessness.

Blink 182’s The Thong Song – I don’t have a clue what the point of that song is. If they take away the words, they might be able to pass it off as a bad recoding of rain but why bother?! Just trash it and be done!

As long as we’re on Blink 182, how about Blow Job and the several others similarly titled?!! They don’t even warrant discussion!

Finally, I can’t narrow this last one down to only one; too many old songs come to mind like: Who Let the Dogs Out?, Ghostbusters, YMCA, Ring My Bell, etc. and it’s late so this is it.

Cheers ~