Monday, February 18, 2008

The Worst Place on LSU's Campus

There is one place on LSU’s campus that takes the cake as the single worst structure. Without a doubt it is the Pentagon Testing Facility.

It’s the very place your hopes and dreams for a good grade are slaughtered. The very destination you, mentally die. For me, personally, I think the best grade I have ever gotten in that hellhole is a 78%.

It’s not so much the actual grade I get that makes the Pentagon Correctional Facility so terrible, it’s the atmosphere, it’s the everything.

The first thing you notice when you walk into building are the numerous students in the hallway studying, but unfortunately these are not students in their normal state.


Every girl and boy sitting in that hall is going mentally nuts, insane, you name it. Everyone is cringing the moment there death sentence time is up and they have to walk up to the wooden door and enter pure Hell.

When your Doomsday Clock has hit zero and it is indeed time for you to enter the computer room you almost think for a small, smidgen of a moment that maybe, just maybe, you might do okay on this test you are about to take.

That thought alone only reiterates your cruel fate that you will be miserably failing this test.

Before you are assigned your computer you must sign in, swipe your LSU ID, and get your retina scanned.

Every staff member in the computer room does not blink, does not think, they just stare into your soul waiting to snap at you for the slightest infringement. Such as not promptly having your LSU ID ready upon the exact moment the staff member is ready to check you in.

Then you sit down at your computer. It is here you gaze at the screen and realize that every question you are being asked on this test, in no way whatsoever has anything to do with the material you have learned.

One after one, guess after guess your confidence is destroyed. By the time you reach the end of the test all hope has been transferred into pure rage. You contemplate smashing your forehead through the computer monitor. You are in pain.

What makes your visit in Hell so worthwhile is the staff member watching you like a hawk so you do not cheat off the student next to you taking a completely different test.

After submitting and officially seeing your fate. You leave the dwellings of Lucifer’s Palace and your mental state has been turned into rumble.

There is only one statement that would describe my deepest thoughts about entering the Pentagon Testing Facility:

I’d rather be a Division I-AA team coming into Tiger Stadium on a Saturday night than walk into there ever again.

God have mercy on that place.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The Unthinkable is Now a Reality: Part 5 (of 9)

October 20
#18 Auburn

Following a tough Kentucky loss, LSU had no time to mourn as Auburn was coming into Tiger Stadium. Auburn was a team coming in with 2 losses, both early in the season. Tuberville's crew was definitely underrated. More importantly no one on the Auburn squad was the least bit worried to be playing in Tiger Stadium. They were (quote), "looking forward to it."

Again, much like the Florida game, LSU got jumped on right from the get-go. LSU was fortunate to not trail 14-0 when it was 10-0. I will admit I thought LSU had pushed their luck too far this time.

Again down 17-7 at the half?! It was too much gambling. LSU was going to pay the price for playing lousy first half football.

Then again just like clockwork the Tigers rallied in the second half. Slowly the Bayou Bengals chipped away at an Auburn lead. With 2 field goals LSU trailed by the score of 17-13, but as a fan this was aggravating as LSU was missing opportunities in the red zone too often.

After some gutsy play calling on fourth down and a tremendous endzone dive by Jacob Hester, LSU took a 20-17 lead. The Bengals were in control.

Then Auburn gave it back to LSU who was driving in for the kill. Les opted not to go for a 4th and 1 when up 20-17. A touchdown would of sealed it, but a field goal helped.

23-17, Auburn was 83 yards away. The defense was playing stellar.

Key word: was.

Auburn drove the field and scored a TD that stun Tiger Nation. 24-23. LSU was on it's heels, but like he's done time and time again. Matt Flynn drove that LSU squad down the field like time was an irrelevant issue.

Play after play, tick after tick, LSU drove down the field methodically for the game-winning field goal...

Then the clock began to really tick. Under 20 seconds. LSU needs to call a timeout! 8 seconds! In a moment I'll never forget, Flynn called hike and threw one in the corner of the end zone for the Byrdman.

Absolutely incredible catch. Single most exciting play I've ever witnessed in my LSU football viewing days.

Final: 30 Tigers 24 Plainsmen/Tigers/War Eagles/Choose a Mascot!

Play of the Game: It was a hell of a gutsy call. I hear a lot of criticism on Les making that decision, but please we all know more than 1 second should of remained on the clock. Nonetheless, Matt Flynn's perfect throw was only half of that play. Demetrius "Birdman" Byrd had to make a play around the cornerback of Auburn who was all over him. Byrd caught that ball with one hand!

Note: I do not have too kind of feelings for Chaz Ramsey, the offensive lineman responsible for the cheap shot chop block on Glen Dorsey. That move could of ended Dorsey's career, but what it did do was greatly hinder Dorsey for the rest of the season. Dorsey was not near 100% until the Ohio State game.

Karma works it's way around. Ramsey will get his sentence.

The Unthinkable is Now a Reality: Part 4 (of 9)

October 13
#17 Kentucky

Several months have gone by since LSU lost this heartbreaker in Lexington. Several months and the loss still stings. The thing that hurts so much about this game was the fact LSU had Kentucky beat. LSU was up 24-14, Tigers were in control and looking to put the game away, until a missed opportunity took place that changed the entire game.

It was 3rd down deep in Wildcat territory. The ball was thrown in the back of endzone into the hands of Zinger for a sure touchd...wait no.

Incomplete. Zinger dropped it. LSU kicks a field goal to increase it's lead 27-14.

The instant Zinger dropped that TD the game changed 180 degrees. Kentucky went on a surge of scoring and LSU was fortunate to go into overtime.

That was until they barely missed a 57-yard field goal to win the game. I know what your thinking, "Come on there is no such thing as a 57-yard field goal barely being missed."

Well it was. A little more to the right at LSU would of left Lexington with a W. That didn't happen as we know, instead overtime came about.

I have to tip my hat (even though I do not wear a hat) to Andre Woodson and his incredible performance. He kept LSU's D off balance all night. And for the first time this game seemed to be a sign that maybe LSU's D was a little overhyped at the beginning of the season.

Some questionable referee calls did take place, but that did not take away from the fact that the Wildcats seemed to be cutting through the LSU defense like a hot knife through butter. Had Kentucky's kicker missed a field goal from 47 yards out in the second overtime; LSU wins.

After Kentucky went up 43-37 in the third overtime, I alreadyw as planning on the Tigers scoring. Making that two-point conversion was my biggest concern. I obviously jumped the gun as LSU ran the ball four straight plays and just like that the Bengals had loss numero uno on the season.

I was disappointed with Miles playcalling on that drive. Four straight run calls? What?

Play of the Game: There was not specific play that jumps out because LSU lost the game. But if I had to choose something it would be Charles Scott's 55-yard run in the first quarter. Scott is such a bruising back because he gets his body down so low when running. He'll be a joy to watch in the coming years.