Sunday, April 05, 2009

Times New Roman: Font Fury!

To Whom It May Concern:

To many of you out there you know who I am. I am the very thing that makes you look good in school, the very thing that makes you start off well in a job interview. Heck, I am the essence of your professional lives. Ladies and gentleman I am Times New Roman. Now for much of my existence I have been fine with you guys and all your different fonts. Sure there are Wingdings and Journal and all those other ridiculous fonts, but still I was No. 1.

But that feeling of comfort was swept away when the latest version of Microsoft Word 2007 had Calibri as the default font.

Calibri, really Calibri? Do I need to even start about this two-time hack? He's a joke! And even worse is you humans seem to be switching to Calibri more often. I'll tell you what, I'm not having it. I'm not dealing with this nonsense any longer!

I'm the loyal Times New Roman, yet people are swaying over to the young rookie? Let us not forgot the day when I was constructed by the great Stanley Morison and Victor Lardent in 1931. Please let us not forget! For it seems you all are so caught up in this Generation Y garbage.

Who makes your dissertations look good? ME! Who makes that thesis looking appealing? ME! When you want to write something worthwhile and meanwhile you stuck with me.

Look, like I said, Calibri can't handle being No. 1. Sure the font is happy to be the default on Microsoft Word now, but you'll see. Sooner or later someone is going to complain about the font’s appearance and only God knows if Calibri can take the heat.

And believe me he can't.

He's weak, he's nimble. Like a deer. A weak, nimble deer.

I hope this letter to you users of font has proven my complete, utter disgust with your recent decisions to substitute the polished veteran, me, in exchange for the unproven rookie, Calibri.

I am sorry but I ask to be released from all font duties as I need to take a year off to think about this. In my eyes I am either No. 1 or nothing.

God speed,

Times New Roman

P.S. And this stupid blog post does not even have Times New Roman! What's this world coming to...


Goose18 said...

Just wanted to let you know that I like calibri and am glad it is the new default font on Word. The only reason why I ever used Times New Roman is because teachers made us. Any chance I got to make my own decision about font choice I did and I changed it gladly. Sorry to hurt your soul, but obviously someone else felt the same way or else the default would have never changed.

~MM~ said...

This was too funny!

I actually had to look up this Calibri font to see what it looked like. It seems to be a cross between the very blah Arial and the old fashion Courier. I must say, I'm not fond of it at all!

Cheers ~