Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Be Green: Double Wipe Campaign

In the US the Be Green campaign has spilled over into all facets of American life, but the latest campaign looks to make a bigger impact than anything the world has ever seen.

Dr. Wesley G. Billings of the Energy Institute of the World has just manifested the lasted campaign to capture the spirit of being green.

In a recent interview with Dr. Billings, he reviled his reasoning behind his Be Green campaign.

"Everyone seems to wanting to save paper and be smarter," Billings stated. "That's great and I think it is honestly working. With that said, I really do think what I bring to the table is innovative and nothing short of exciting."

Billings eyes light up like a hobo who spots an unoccupied hot dog. He speaks vividly on his plan and how it asks citizens to use a piece of toilet paper twice before deposing of it.

"Think of the paper we would save if little Billy was able to use the same piece of toilet paper more than once. Heck, what if he could use it six times!"

Through Billings research he has estimated that if one uses toilet paper at least more than one time, than paper usage would go down in the US by 27.4% alone.

To spread the word of Billings's message shirts are being sold at colleges and malls across the US.

"Starting in the big cities such as Portland, Maine; Topeka, Kansas; and Lubbock, Texas we are spreading the word of the campaign. We are thankfully hitting the big markets right from the beginning. In the future we hope to get Milwaukee! But I have to say I think the public will love the shirts we have made. On the front it will 'DW,' on the back they will say 'Just Fold It Over Once More. Please.' I think it's a real gold mine."

Going up against Billings and his campaign is the organization, the People's Right of the Bathroom. PRB, as they refer to themselves, insist that Billings's proposal eats away at the very foundation of our society.

"How dare he tell me what to do in the bathroom!" shouted PRB president William Blaring. "This campaign is only the beginning. First, they want to suggest something, next they slam down a law saying how long you can be in the John. Well, I'll tell you what, never will I ever bow down to anyone when we talk about my bathroom rights!"

Blaring's disapproval only continues to highlight how sour a subject toilet discussions are. As Billings states, he knows getting people on his side will be difficult because "one's time in a bathroom is sacred."

"I realize I am infiltrating the hardest lair to invade, the bathroom, but I do believe that if we wipe once more with that same piece of ply, than the world can be greener, and that we can make a difference."

Note: This article was done in humor. Do not think of it anymore than that.

MM: Email Ballay05@yahoo.com

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