Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Energy Conservation: Black Out Week

With the worldwide energy crisis hitting an all time high. (Recent reports indicate on the energy-o-meter the world is at a 9.8 out of 10) Drastic measures are being put together to make the situation better.

The latest plan was brought up by Dr. Blake D. Manning of the Scientific Institute of Thought in Denver, Colorado.

Manning and his team of extraordinary gentlemen are composing a proposal that will be sent out to the US Government as well as the governments of over 80 nations worldwide.

"We are proposing a black out week."

Manning states that no one wants to cut back on driving, mowing, riding there go-karts, using there wave runners, drying there hair with the latest hairdryer, so the most reasonable goal is to cram changing some one's lifestyle into one week.

"For one week, a mere 168 hours, no electricity! Just one freakin' week! Shouldn't be too tough."

With the help of his trusty sidekick, Dr. Wilford J. Crawford, the plan been worked on for weeks.

"Originally Crawdad [Dr. Crawford] and I wanted to convince the world to not have power for a month, but we figured everyone would whine and moan. Especially the Brits, so we trimmed it down to one week."

By Manning and Crawford's calculations, one week without power for the world would be the same as 50 years under the current global energy conservation plan.

"My paps use to always tell me, 'Son the only thing you are good for is opening beer bottles,' but he also use to tell me 'if you want people to do something they won't like cram it into a small time frame.' Well, one week is a small time frame world."

The proposal, 76 words in all, calls for the week of June 1 to June 7 to not have any activities going on that require electricity or gasoline.

Opposition for the proposal has grown in recent weeks. Some state that without power millions would die in the hospital. To this statement Manning simply replied, "One word: Advil."

But, the biggest issue with the black out week deals with the set date taking place during the National Basketball Association's postseason.

"The NBA Playoffs will be going on," yelped an angry Gary Belvins of Barrow, Alaska. "How you suppose I gonna be able to watch Shawn Kemp dunk on dem folk?"

When notified that Shawn Kemp no longer played in the NBA, Belvins could not be reached for comment. All that could be heard was a low-wailing, girl-ish crying sound.

Manning assures people such as Belvins that electricity is irrelevant to a success NBA postseason.

"Look no one needs to worry about this affecting Kobe, LeBron or T.O. Just play the games outside, or better yet bring a candle to the game. Simple as that Jack."

Note: This article was done in humor. Do not look into any farther than that.

1 comment:

Goose18 said...

So, this is quite humorous....I would not be opposed to the week of June 1-7 seeing as how I will be at the beach for vacation and will spend the majority of my time outdoors in the beautiful sunshine. But this whole debate does bring about an interesting concept, a week without electricity really wouldn't be so bad. It would bring us back to a simpler time and if the Amish can do it, then why not give it a try. Secondly, the basketball play offs should be played outside. Bring back the days of street ball and real heat. This will test their real ability of skill. They won't be so tough after you take them from their sanctuary of air conditioning and wooden courts that absorb their flops. Let's see how good these guys really are!