My Pathetic Attempt at March Madness

It's that time of the year again. March Madness. Fill out your brackets and pray you do well...or for guys like me. Fill out your bracket and realize that no matter how much knowledge you have about basketball, you stink at brackets. Not subpar, you stink. You are awful. Hideous...except that one year when you came in third place for your dad's company but anyway like I was saying...

Here are the picks. ...

Midwest

1 Florida over 16 Jackson State
8 Arizona over 9 Purdue
12 Old Dominion over 5 Butler
4 Maryland over 13 Davidson
6 Notre Dame over 11 Winthrop
3 Oregon over 14 Miami Ohio
7 UNLV over Georgia Tech
2 Wisconsin over 15 Texas A&M CC

Note: You really think the run for another championship ends for the Gators in the first round? C'mon Florida is awesome against the state of Mississippi! Let's see Lute Olson has still got it so 'Zona is going to beat Purdon't. ODU is my underdog story so a win against Alfred the Butler is occurring. Maryland will shut up critics and easily get by Davidson. I know, I know Winthrop is the upset special but there's too much hype around this game for ND to be off. Coach Brey's Irish will be ready. (Besides that sophmore sensation Zach Hillesland is incredible.) Oregon ends the MAC Champs dream: a tourney win. UNLV is a team I do not know anything about and in the past that type of team has killed me when filling out brackets because they end up doing awesome. And finally, TAM-CC's magical run will never get started because Alando Tucker and Wisconsin are going to play the most suffocating D the Islanders have ever seen. Ever.

Second Round

1 Florida over 8 Arizona
12 Old Dominion over 4 Maryland
3 Oregon over 6 Notre Dame
2 Wisconsin over 7 UNLV

Note: Gators struggle but in the end prevail over the 'Cats. New Domain continues their magical run with a win against Gary William's turtles. The Ducks will wear ND out with a style of basketball that is similar to the Phoenix Suns. Despite a sloppy offense at times, the Badgers will defeat UNLV behind once again...their defense.

Sweet 16

1 Florida over 12 Old Dominion
3 Oregon over 2 Wisconsin

Note: Sorry ODU every story has a bad ending. (Did I say that right?) Offense vs. Defense in a classic Duck vs. Badger showdown...and for once it's the offense that will prevail.

Elite 8

3 Oregon over 1 Florida

Note: What can I say I am riding this duckin' Oregon thing all the way out! Ducks stop the repeat by playing the game of their lives against UF. After game everyone knows who Aaron Brooks is. (No, no not the horrendous QB!)


West

1 Kansas over 16 Niagara
9 Villanova over 8 Kentucky
12 Illinois over 5 Virginia Tech
4 Southern Illinois over 13 Holy Cross
6 Duke over 11 VCU
3 Pittsburgh over 14 Wright State
7 Indiana over 10 Gonzaga
2 UCLA over 15 Weber State

Note: Kansas beats Niagara because Hell is still a hot place. 'Nova beats Kenunlucky for the simple fact Tubby's Team is a little overrated and Coach Jay Wright of 'Nova is still recovering from last year's dramatic loss. Illinois has been bashed all week for not deserving a NCAA bid. That will change once the Illni come out and take it too an inconsistent VTech crew. Walt "Clyde" Frazier's alma mater defeats a mysteriously unknown Holy Cross team because the Salukis are still disappointmented over last year's poor performance. Yes, the Dukies have struggled but this is Coach K! Sorry, first round loss ain't happening. Pitt will beat Wright State in what will be a surprisely close came. Indiana over the Zags because A) Gonzaga is not that good and B) you honestly think nobody knows about Gonzaga's underdog ways in March? UCLA beats Weber State because, just like Wisconsin, UCLA can play D.

Second Round

1 Kansas over 9 Villanova
4 Southern Illinois over 12 Illinois
3 Pittsburgh over 6 Duke
2 UCLA over 7 Indiana

Note: Jayhawks are going to get over the first round woes, and continue it on with an all-out team win against 'Nova. (No, I did not mean the towel boy would play an important part.) Salukis tomahawk the Illni with, believe it or not, their more superb talent. Pitt will beat the Devils because as we all know Duke is having trouble, and lately Pitt has not been playing their best. (Hint: Watch Aaron Gray!) UCLA will be playing the Hoosiers the way they played 90% of the season; with a suffocationg D and an offense where all 5 players can attack you.

Sweet 16

1 Kansas over 4 Southern Illinois
2 UCLA over 3 Pittsburgh

Note: Jayhawks are loaded and despite a Salukis team with more March experience, Coach Self is having this KU team ready. Bruins beat Panthers in the same exact round Pittsburgh loses every year...oh and UCLA will beat the tar out of them doing it.

Elite 8

2 UCLA over 1 Kansas

Note: Toughy, toughy, toughy. Had Kansas at first, but changed it for one simple thing: experience. UCLA has it, Kansas does not. That will be the difference.


East

1 North Carolina over 16 Eastern Kentucky
9 Michigan State over 8 Marquette
12 Arkansas over 5 USC
4 Texas over 13 New Mexico State
6 Vanderbilt over 11 George Washington
3 Washington State over 14 Oral Roberts
7 Boston College over 10 Texas Tech
2 Georgetown over 15 Belmont

Note: UNC beats Eastern Kentucky because in the current society we live in, a poodle can not defeat a gorilla. Tom Izzo lost in the first round last year, which was a big bummer for East Lansing. You think that's going to happen in back-to-back years? Arkansas beats USC in this tough one to call. Why? Like Illinois, Arkansas has been ragged on all week. Coach Heath will have the team playing "40 Minutes of Hell" ball. Texas over New Mexico State, but do not be surprised if Reggie Theus's Aggies make it interesting for a while. Then, Texas will realize they have more talent in Durant than NMSU has on their whole team. End of that. Vandy has been playing lousy lately so I have a gut feeling the 'Dores ambush the Colonels and sneak out a win. WSU is the highest ranked team I know nothing about. I will take them over Oral Rob because WSU players have continously said the team is focused...besides Pac-10 has got some teams. BC over Texas Tech for the basic principle that a team who does not deserve to be in the tourney, should not be in it. (Cough, cough Red Raiders.) Also, Boston College has always been known for March Mayhem. Georgetown will defeat Belmont because I said so.

Second Round

1 North Carolina over 9 Michigan State
4 Texas over 12 Arkansas
3 Washington State over 6 Vanderbilt
7 Boston College over 2 Georgetown

Note: I am feeling UNC over MSU because Neitzel can not carry the Spartans to yet another win. Texas defeats Arkansas since Stephen Hill is going to have to guard Kevin "Man Child" Durant. Cougars continue their prowl and beat Vandy who will go down firing on all cylinders. Like I said, BC has got the talent and they have got the experience. Besides Roy Hibbert of GTown is overrated. You are 7'13'' and only pull down about 7 rebounds a game? C'mon!

Sweet 16

4 Texas over 1 North Carolina
3 Washington State over 7 Boston College

Note: In their last two big games (both against Kansas), Texas has choked. Not this time. Longhorns jump out to an early, big lead (say...about 12 points) and hold it on the rest of the game. Mr. Tyler, the man with the mask will continue to struggle playing with a plate over your eyes. (Texas over UNC has a lot to do with the convincing by none other than John August Ballay.) Cougars continue the underdog story by ending the story of yet another underdog. Why WSU in this game? Because who would win in a fight: a cougar or an eagle? I said the same thing a Bengal LSU Tiger but that's not a choice. Cougar is the winner here.

Elite 8

4 Texas over 3 Washington State

Note: Unlike last year when the Texas Longhorns got handled by LSU (what a game!), Texas will win the region and will advance to the Final Four for the second time in Coach Barnes's tenure. It's cliche to say, but Durant is going to tear it up in the tourney. (That's a good thing.)


South

1 Ohio State over 16 Central Connecticut State
9 Xavier over 8 BYU
5 Tennessee over 12 Long Beach State
13 Albany over 4 Virginia
6 Louisville over 11 Stanford
3 Texas A&M over 14 Pennsylvania
7 Nevada over 10 Creighton
2 Memphis 15 North Texas

Note: OSU beats CCSU because a buckeye would slaughter a blue devil in a fight. I mean photosynthesis? Say no more! Xavier lost a close one last year to the 'Zags and will be more experienced this year. That along with the great player BJ Raymond will allow the X-Men to pull away in the final five minutes against Steve Young University. Tennessee over Long Beach State because I can not see Bruce Pearl's Vols losing to LSU and then losing their first game in the tourney. Albany beats UVA since this northern team nearly took down UConn last year. And anyway I have not heard a lot about this Ralph Sampson-less Virginia team. Pitino's Cardinals are playing well now and Stanford just squeezed into the tourney. Louisville is going to lay the smackdown big time. But unfortunately no UL player will post a quadruple-double. Remember A&M's loss to LSU in the second round last year? (I love you Darrell Mitchell!) Tough loss and you can be sure the Aggies are ready to get that out of their heads with some wins. And anyway Penn plays a 1945 style of basketball meaning the team shoots for wins by the score of 12-8. (By the way, when is the Ivy League going to grow up and install a conference tournament? I am sick of Penn year in and year out. Boring) Nevada lost to Montana in the first round last year. Major bummer. Also the team has that senior Nick Fazekakzkaskzs (last name a bit off on spelling). Mr. Nick is a 20/10 player. Memphis beats North Texas because Memphis is normally equipped with 12 guys who can jump 10 feet in the air, meanwhile North Texas has players known as the (laugh) Mean Green.

Second Round

1 Ohio State over 9 Xavier
5 Tennessee over 13 Albany
3 Texas A&M over 6 Louisville
2 Memphis over 7 Nevada

Note: OSU defeats the X-Men because OSU is better than you think, Oden is incredible, and Thad Matta has the third coolest name. (Currently #1 is Dikembe Mutumbo, while #2 is Hakeem Olajuwon.) Tennessee defeats Albany because Pearl's team can get up and play with anyone in the country. A&M will defeat Louie in one of the best matchups of the tourney. Acie Law IV will make a clutch shot in the final moments. Pitino's team will once again have their hearts ripped out. (Remember Pitino was the Kentucky coach during the Laettner shot.) Memphis has so much athleticism, plus I am thinking the Tigers' coach is finally going to start winning these games his teams should win in March.

Sweet 16

1 Ohio State over 5 Tennessee
3 Texas A&M over 2 Memphis

Note: Like I said, Buckeyes are better than you think. Oden is a beast down low that is unknown to the Vols' D. (Big Baby is 6'9'', Oden is somewhere up in the stratosphere.) Aggies will defeat the Tigers for the mere fact the Tigers choke every year in the tourney. Oh and the fact that A&M is a better team might help. Just a little.

Elite 8

1 Ohio State over 3 Texas A&M

Note: This should be an epic battle. I am talking about Anakin Skywalker-Obi-Won Kenobi-light-saber-good. Okay of course the loser will not end up being a ruthless leader who rules the galaxy. I really can not pinpoint why I have OSU winning. I guess when it comes down to it, it is the fact that the Buckeyes have not slipped up all season. The Aggies have had losses to LSU (Hey are they in the tournament?) as well as some others lower-level teams. Just like the world wants, Oden will be the difference maker in this game.


FINAL FOUR

2 UCLA over 3 Oregon
4 Texas over 1 Ohio State

Note: The Duck migration comes to an end with the mauling by a bear. Actually a Bruin. Oregon's D carried them over Wisconsin, but not this time. As you know UCLA can get ready for Final Four games. (Cough. Last year against LSU. Final score: UCLA 80 LSU 17.7) Unlike last year Adam "The Stache" Morrison never got to go against J.J. "Gun Slingin" Reddick. Well folks not this year! Oden vs. Durant. Watch the game or move to New Hampshire. It will be a pretty even match...but in the end it will be some role players by the Longhorns that will make the difference.


CHAMPIONSHIP

2 UCLA over 4 Texas

Note: Longhorns run out of gas. UCLA will be leading the whole game with Texas right behind. Barnes crew will make pushes at times making the Bruins lead only 5, then 3, then 9, then 4. Though Durant will finally show he is in fact human and the Bruins will snatch the opportunity and the title.